I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
