I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
