At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
