Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
