Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
