I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
