Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I want a musical about memes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
