Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
not ubering you a puppy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
