Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
