he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This can only be settled by a dance off.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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