found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
