Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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