the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
