That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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