hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
