so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
