I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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