Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
