take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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