You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
