i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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