It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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