There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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