So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
