There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
