R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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