sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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