just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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