when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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