A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Acid is not a monday night drug
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
