I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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