I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
