1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
