Yo dont text me then not text me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
