Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
