I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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