Don't you send me to vm
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drake has all the answers
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
