I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
