your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
