she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
