I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
