Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
