I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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