So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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