Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
