we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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