I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
