I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
