She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
