i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
its not stalking. its research.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
